March 8, 2000

He's got 1 vote down, 132 million more to go

___All these years, I've thought my wonderful wife loved me. But a couple of Sundays ago, during lunch, she said something that called all her love and devotion into question.
___"Maybe you should run for president, dear," she told me.
___Why would anybody want any loved one to run for president of these United States?
Think of the lack of privacy. Consider the interminable weeks on the road. Ponder an infinite number of back slaps and kissing babies. Imagine approximately 4.3 jillion rubber-chicken fund-raising dinners.
___Worse, try to consider having every word and deed you ever said (or didn't say) and did (or didn't do) held up to public scrutiny, much less ridicule.
___I'm not sure I'd wish that on my enemy, much less someone who provided half the chromosomes for my children.
___Joanna offered her suggestion while we were discussing the presidential campaign. We conceded we don't agree with any candidate on every single position. And somebody pointed out even the ones we kinda-sorta like have been acting so mean lately.
___"I'm sick of all this meanness," I lamented.
___"Maybe you should run for president, dear," Jo replied. I think she meant it as a compliment, suggesting a guy who was raised to be nice to people could invoke a new "nice" tone to the campaign season.
___"But you can't be nice and get elected president," I protested.
___"Yeah, look at Alan Keyes," Lindsay pointed out. "He's the only one who's not slinging mud and being mean, and look what's happening to him."
___If you've been paying very careful attention, you know who she was talking about: Alan "I-can't-get-over-5-percent-of-the-vote" Keyes.
___"Maybe that's why we haven't had a woman president!" Molly volunteered. "Women are just too nice."
___Yeah, right. I reminded her of the woman who killed two of her husbands and buried them under the shed out back of her house.
___"Well, most--some--women are nice," Molly replied, demonstrating a politician's natural penchant for backing out of a sticky situation. If she had concluded her remarks by questioning my character and exclaiming that I had taken the last slice of cake from the pantry, I would've gone out and bought yard signs for her presidential campaign in 2028.
___Anyway, one of the things I detest about election years is the patina of meanness the political process showers over society. But only six Americans are running for president. Maybe if the rest of us would follow Jesus' Golden Rule: "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31), we would set a tone even the presidential candidates can't mean-up.

Send this story to a friend


Contents/ Masthead / Why We're Here / Links / Archive / E-mail us/ SUBSCRIBE!